Monday, February 10, 2014

February 10 - 16, 2014, SF

Monday, February 10.  What a night!  First, I couldn't get to sleep - tossing, turning, reading, and more of the same.  These have been rough, emotional days as I reflect on the gloom-filled days leading up to the anniversary of Mike's passing a year ago.  It is a little easier to get by each day, but my heart still aches for him.  It's going to be a hard week to get through.

Yesterday afternoon when I let Ruby out to the back yard (the access is through Ben's bedroom window), she didn't come back and didn't come back.  I wasn't able to go look for her as I had no place to keep Charlotte safe while I did.  I ended up putting her in her crib with a book, went out the window and found Ruby at the bottom of the stairs that leads to the basement - she was very interested in something but I didn't take the time to go and look.  At 2:30 this morning, she woke me up being sick.  I was so afraid that something serious was wrong as she was trembling as if having a seizure.  I kept her close, comforted her, offered water that she refused to drink, and she came and slept right next to my bed.  Now I'm thinking that she had been eating something real gross and her stomach was very upset.  All is well, she is feeling much better this morning.

Today with Charlotte went well - only 2 time-outs - and we really had fun.  She asked to go to the Academy of Sciences again today, so we went, got a great parking spot, and hung out in the aquarium until the rainforest exhibit opened.  She doesn't see that very often, so it really held her interest.  She wore her shirt with a butterfly and we were hoping one might land on her.  That didn't happen but a large Blue Morph flew to within about 6 inches of her head.

When we got back home for lunch, she wanted to get in her warm, fleece, sparkly pjs, and that is what she wore the rest of the day.  She kept telling me that she loves me and wanted hugs while pretending to take a nap on my bed.  

Like I said, it was a great day.

Tuesday, February 11.  My day off.  Charlotte is in day care and the rest of the family gets back tonight.  After dropping her off, I headed for TJ's to stock up on groceries, then put together an Enchilada casserole for tomorrow nights dinner.  I also washed my bedding and did a load of CC's laundry.  It is now 1:00 and I am reclined on the couch, listening to Emmylou Harris, and hoping a nap comes my way.  Later.

No nap.  I picked Charlotte up from daycare, came home and parked the car and then we walked to Pacific Cafe for a dinner date.  She was really well behaved, just not very interested in eating anything but bread, ice cubes, and French fries and she liked the word "halibut" and repeated it many, many times.  The Halibut Parmesan was delicious, as usual, although it just didn't feel right to be there without Mike.  It's been a while since I've eaten here.  

Ben, Jill, and the twins made it home safely.

Wednesday, February 12.  I'm feeling the heavy, dark emotions of grief today, leading up to tomorrow's 1-year anniversary.  I don't think there is anything I can do to help myself to feel better, will just have to muddle through until things look brighter.

I really miss his upbeat personality, his one-liners and humor, fantastic stories, laughter, skinny legs, warm hugs, beautiful brown eyes, crooked smile, knowledge, and his reliable dedication and companionship.  What a year this has been.  There have been good times, but I miss sharing experiences with him - like the joy that the twins have brought, watching 
Charlotte grow up, and the good feeling of being all together as a family, even if we are not all together in the same place.

Thursday, February 13.  I survived the 1st anniversary of Mike's passing.  Jill took the 3 girls to a play date this morning so I could have some time alone and I spent it taking a long, leisurely shower and talking with Pat and other family and friends on the phone.  I also went through photos and tried to focus on the good times and the many, many miles we shared along the way.  What a guy - he sure changed my path in life and I thank him ever day for that.  Tonight, we shared a toast to him.

Sunday, February 16.  It is a beautiful, sunny morning for my youngest son's 37th birthday.  Wow - that is a long, long time ago.  We are treating him special this morning, letting him sleep in, go for a run, having a big breakfast, and making coconut cupcakes for his birthday treat.  He deserves it - such a good man and a dedicated husband and father and he also treats his parents right.